How to Bond With a Cat

Have you just made a new furry addition to your family or are you considering it? While some people believe that cats are deeply mysterious and hard to develop relationships with, that’s not necessarily true. Cats can form loving bonds with their human owners just as deeply as dogs can; they just express themselves a little differently.

Every cat has its own personality, so some may take longer to warm up to you. There are certain breeds that are noted as being more sociable and affectionate, so if you really want a cuddle bug or even a cat that you can leash train and take around the neighborhood, you may want to choose one of that kind.

In our guide, we’ll take you through a few tips for getting your new cat settled and feeling comfortable, how you can encourage them to trust you, and signs to look for that tell you your new furbaby is starting to feel at home.

Mothering a Kitten

If you bring home a young cat that’s only recently left its mother or left bottle feeding, you can be more hands-on with it. Picking them up, holding them close to your body, and hold them up at eye level sometimes.

Physically bonding with them is essential. If you’re sitting on the couch, scoop them up and put them on your lap. If they wander off, that’s fine. If they curl up and fall asleep, that’s even better.

You might even mimic their mothers by grooming them. Take a warm, damp washcloth and gently remove any gunk from their eyes, and then clean the rest of their body if needed. Sometimes kittens take a little time to become efficient at cleaning themselves.

Adult Cats

While it’s good to be hands-on with kittens, that’s not usually the case with adult cats. Adult cats can be more skittish and may give you physical clues that they’re feeling threatened. You should always back off if your cat puffs up or flattens their ears while twitching their tales, for example. And, of course, hissing is never a good sign.

Give Them Space

Cats are naturally anxious creatures who are always looking out for bigger predators in the wild. When a cat doesn’t know you yet, it sees you as a potential predator, and gaining their trust takes time.

You shouldn’t chase your cat or force your affection on them. This makes them uncomfortable and can harm your relationship with them. Instead, let them explore and come to you when they’re ready.

Get Low

Instead of looming over your cat (like a big scary predator), you can encourage your cat to come to you by being closer to their level. Sitting down on the floor can make you seem more approachable.

Activate Their Senses

Cats take in a lot of information through their noses. Letting them sniff you is really important to them getting to know you. Before you attempt to pet your cat, you should let them satisfy their curiosity by taking a nice long sniff. Once they stop smelling you, then it might be time to give them pets.

You can also tempt them to get close to you by offering them treats. Placing a treat on the floor next to you can bring them close. Then, you can offer them a treat in your hand by folding it out flat to them.

Preparing the Space

Before you bring a new cat home, it’s important to make the space as hospitable for your cat as possible. Having a few things prepared for them will help make them more comfortable faster, helping them start bonding with you. Here are a couple of things to arrange:

Hiding Places

Since your new cat may be nervous, they will look for places to hide. Setting up a few safe, cat-friendly nooks will help them feel more comfortable. A cat tower with a cubby where they can tuck themselves away is a good option. A cozy cat bed tucked in a corner can be an inviting option, but even just an accessible box can give them the protection they need to feel comfortable.

If you can give them some sort of perch, they can enjoy surveying their new home. Cats like having higher vantage points, and it makes them feel safe.

Litter

Set up a little box before your cat arrives. Put it in an easy find, but low-traffic area, so your cat will feel comfortable using it. If you have multiple cats, you must have multiple litter boxes with some distance between them.

When a new cat comes home, particularly a young one, you should take a moment to introduce them to their new litter box. You can set them inside it and gently lift one of their paws to scrape at the litter, showing them that is where they will bury their waste.

Food and Water

Have food and water set up for your new cat so that they can help themselves whenever they need to. Putting it in a quiet area where they can have some privacy may help them feel safer.

Keeping the food and water bowls apart from each other is more healthful and more tempting to cats. You can also set up a water fountain for your cat. They enjoy running water and it encourages them to drink more, which reduces their risk of many health issues.

Scratching

Cats need to scratch. It’s an instinctual behavior that they need to indulge in, so don’t try to train them out of it, or punish them for doing it. Instead, you should give them specific places to indulge in this habit.

Set up a few scratching pads or posts around your house, particularly near furniture you don’t want to be damaged. You can sprinkle a little catnip or use catnip spray on these scratchers to encourage the cat to use them.

Deepening Your Connection

Once your cat begins approaching you more and allowing you to make physical contact, you can start working on building a stronger connection.

Developing a Routine

Cats, particularly older cats, thrive with regular schedules. They understand and remember the rhythm of your life and know when you differ from it. Work your cat into your routine by feeding them at particular times, greeting them the same way every morning, and spending some wind-down time with them in the evening.

They will begin to trust you more if they know they will always get fed at a particular time every day. It will also give them something to look forward to if they know you will take time to play with them or snuggle on the couch with them most evenings. They might even wait for you at the door when you come home from work or already be sitting with their favorite toy waiting for you to start playing.

Show Physical Affection

You’ll start to notice how your cat likes to be pet and cuddled as your relationship deepens. By offering them lots of love and physical touch, they will start approaching you more and may even initiate cuddles.

Brushing your cat is also a way to show physical affection. Cats in family groups groom each other, so by brushing your cat, you’re showing them that you’re family. They may return the favor and lick you, too.

Training

While some people say that it’s impossible to train a cat, that’s not really true. Teaching them how to live together with you is training. How much you’re able to teach your cat tricks or leash train them depends on a lot of factors such as their age, breed, personality, and the amount of time you can dedicate to their training.

Still, most cats can pretty quickly learn to respond to their name. They can also be trained which surfaces of the house they aren’t allowed on (such as the kitchen table, perhaps), and can learn that certain positive behaviors gain them rewards.

Talk to Your Cat

Just like dogs, cats are able to learn and recognize words, but most importantly, they respond to tone and sounds. By talking to them and using the same phrases or tone when telling them something, you can communicate with your cat and make them understand you. Saying, “Dinner time,” for example, in the same way every day will have your cat ready to eat.

If you pay attention, you will also start to recognize the way your cat communicates with you. Cats meow with humans in a way they don’t with other adult cats in the wild. They are trying to talk to us, so it’s important to listen.

While there are some specific types of meows that may be similar from cat to cat, your particular cat will develop its own way of talking to you. They will also use body language to let you know how they feel.

Signs Your Cat Is Bonding With You

If you’re new to cat ownership, you might not know all the subtle ways cats communicate with you. Unlike dogs, they don’t get to jump around excitedly and lick your face. Here are a few subtle ways cats let you know that they are feeling comfortable around you.

Slow Blinks

Sometimes called “love blinks,” cats let you know that they love you and trust you by slowly closing their eyes while looking at you or being close to you. Since they keep their attention on possible threats in the wild, this shows that they are able to relax and let their guard down around you. You can even try slow blinking back to tell your cat that you love them.

Kneading

Often dubbed “making biscuits” by folks on the internet, kneading is a bonding activity. Kittens will do this to their mother to encourage her to nurse them.

Cats only tend to knead when they feel comfortable and contented. Sometimes cats will show that they are feeling happy by kneading a bed, couch, or pillow where you’re sitting. They might even knead your lap or stomach.

Purring

Purring is also a way that kittens communicate with their mother. It typically means that a cat is feeling happy and is encouraging you to pet or snuggle with it. Sometimes though, cats will purr as a way of self-soothing when they’re not feeling well. They may climb on you and purr if they suspect you’re under the weather too.

Head Butting

Cats have scent glands in their face and head, so they are marking you with their scent. Many people see it as territorial behavior, and it can be, particularly if they are rubbing on a favorite piece of furniture. In the wild, cats will headbutt others in their family group as a way of bonding as well.

If your cat is rubbing their face and head against you, they may be asking for pets and attention. They are also expressing love and even a sort of ownership over you. They’re claiming you as their person.

Earning the Love of a Cat

Cats may have a reputation for aloofness, but when you understand how they communicate with us, it’s easier to see that cats have a very specific love language. It may take time and patience to understand it, but earning a cat’s love is very special.

If you take the time to make your home a comfortable place for your new cat and make them feel comfortable, you can start growing your bond with them. Give them time and space and help them develop their trust in you. Soon, your cat will start showing you how they show love and how they want to be loved.